Category: wordplay

I’ve a serious fear of misdirection. But then again, that’s neither here nor there.

Why did I go to Superdrug in my slippers? Because I didn’t want to go in Boots.

My local cinema has decided to combat obesity by selling bags of nuts instead of sweets. They call it “Pecan Mix”

I used to be indecisive… It was a stupid name, no idea why I stuck with it for so long.

My new perfume on a mountain flowers theme is coming out next week. It’s called “Ascent of Everest.”

I used to live in a small town in Spain called Macarena. But I don’t like to make a song and dance about it.

When I was younger, I went shoplifting in Ann Summers. I stole a vibrator. I didn’t need it, I only did it for the buzz.

I’m getting heavily criticised for the way I run my magazine publishing company, and I don’t know why. I’ve been in charge for five years now, and there haven’t been any issues in all that time.

Did you hear about the Jewish suicide bomber? He brew himself up.

My wife walked out on me because of my insufferable nitpicking. I think you’ll find there’s a hyphen in nit-picking.

I said to my mate “Do you want me to help you with that thesaurus you are putting together by listing all the words that mean strength? You know, like power, toughness..?” He said “Might as well”

I only buy British soil. I don’t like any of that foreign muck.

The body of a man, who regularly gave information about criminals to police, has been found dumped on wasteland. Next of kin have been informed on.

I went into a poster factory with a gun and shouted, “Stick ’em up”.

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. So we took his bike off him. Then he just sat in the garden and barked all day. So we gave him his bike back. Because his bark was worse than his bike.