Category: wordplay

I saw a tree standing all by itself in the middle of some fields. I thought, ‘That doesn’t look poplar’.

The Arabian inventor of the bullet-proof vehicle died today. R.I.P. Ahmed Carr

I was thinking about visiting a nearby castle. But it’s only a fort.

My girlfriend left me because I wouldn’t let her ride in my time machine. I’ll never take her back.

A contestant accused me of being an unfair gameshow host. Point taken.

I’m very happy with my golf handicap. I know it’s a strangename, but Volkswagen do make a quality car.

A man was beaten to death by rival gang members after taking a wrong turn. It was a nasty way to go.

I’ve been a captain in the army for ten years now and simply refuse to get promoted further. They say I’ve got major issues.

My son and daughter were arguing over who’s turn it was to play with the spirograph, but it was going nowhere. They just kept going round in circles.

Sometimes when I’m bored, I like to stand empty pizza boxes upright in a line and knock them over, like they’re Dominos.

My Social Worker has said she will get me back to work “By Hook or by Crook”. If I’m honest, I’d prefer Piracy over Sheep Farming.

I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He wasn’t pleased.

I really need to stop talking to inanimate objects. Note to shelf.

I was watching some thick, dark clouds on TV the other day… Just before the watershed.

I bought a dog whistle, but it’s rubbish. Whenever I put it in his mouth, he just starts dribbling.