Category: wordplay

I was getting really high at the park yesterday. I love going on the swings.

The other day I farted in the face of a girl I met at bar. She looked at me and told me I was gross and did not find it funny. It will never work between us. She just doesn’t appreciate my scents of humor.

Surgeons removed my jaw by mistake. Well, what could I say?

A friend of mine is a Community Support Officer and he desperately wants to be a real copper. It’s his birthday next week – I’m gonna buy him twenty quids worth of truncheon vouchers.

Statistically 99% of people believe knighthood is totally justified. -Sir Vey.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing… …especially when you’re standing behind Pippa Middleton.

I was walking through the park today when I seen a man going absolutely mental at his wife. He was jumping up and down, shaking his fists furiously and shouting “I gave you one job to do and you couldn’t even do that!! Now there’s not enough food for the both of us!!!” I thought […]

I don’t know what the fascination is with strip clubs. It’s just the same old thong and dance.

My ex-girlfriend told me that I had to go one week without using any sporting idioms or she would break up with me. I fell at the first hurdle.

I was at the pub with my mate and I asked him what’s his favorite drink. “Shloer” He replied So I repeated it in a drunken voice.

“D’you think Mos Def is short for something?” “Most definitely.”

“WE CHARGE AT DAWN!” “Why not now?” “Solar-powered charger.”

I love giving directions. It’s right up my street

I got a really bad case of mood poisoning. It must have been something I hate.

I’m a uniformed police officer but today I’m working under cover. I’m not getting out of bed.