Category: wordplay

The time will never be wrong. Not on my watch.

Had a fall out with the wife last night…Serves me right for forcing the tube doors open between stations.

What’s brown, furry and wet? A drizzly bear.

I maintain a house attached to one other house. I love telling people that I’m nursing a semi.

I stabbed someone with a blunt pencil today. It was an act of pointless violence.

I woke up as a clown this morning. I must have slept funny

I excel at saying 39 in Roman numerals.

Was in a maths exam yesterday and this nerd next to me got an erection. He saw an acute angle

My wife said she wants a rubber plant to freshen up the living room a bit. I think it’s a stupid idea. If anything it’ll have opposite effect. The noise would be deafening, and just imagine the CO2 emissions.

I don’t usually spend a lot of money on toilet related items but a urinal on the other hand! Well that is something i’m willing to splash out on.

My wife suggested we get a new door knocker. So I came back with a Jehovah’s Witness.

My new sat-nav has revolutionised my life. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be here today without it.

Sky News: Wyclef Jean ‘To Run’ For Haiti Presidency Don’t you think they’ve had enough refugees?

What cheese do you use to get a bear down from a tree? Camembert.

My car smells like Cherry Menthol. I’ve just had it Tuned.