Category: wordplay

I just dropped my iPhone in the bath. It’s syncing.

I’ve just read my local newspaper. It had stories about snails, slugs and tortoises. Must be a slow news day.

Me and my mates played a football match against a load of Marines yesterday. At half time they brought on a Chinese bloke. I thought to myself, he’s a yellow sub marine.

Black holes suck

I’m a firestarter, twisted firestarter. I’m also serving a life sentence at Broadmoor prison.

All of my ideas for improving my posture have so far failed. Back to the drawing board then.

BBC News: Egyptian military dissolves parliament. “Ahh, so it was the sneaky Egyptian military who had the chemical weapons all along and not Saddam then?”

Not praying before dinner is a disgrace.

Got a new job giving baths in a nursing home. I put the ‘oap’ into ‘soap’.

My jamaican heritage means i’m naturally not very good at my job as a miner. However i still manage to mine sometin.

During the sudden death pub quiz question last night the compare asked, “What country lies between Ukraine and Romania?” We gave up after a few minutes, but it was mulled over.

I love my next door neighbour’s house. It’s right up my street.

I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies man in my local. All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents.

So there was this breeze going all the way across the Atlantic. Ah, forget it. My jokes are always too long-winded.

My mate, who is a long distance lorry driver, has recently become very depressed. I sometimes worry about him, all on his own on those lonely journeys. Still, he’s always got a hard shoulder to cry on.