Category: wordplay

Rats are under rated. Just check your dictionary.

My book about synaesthesia is so close to being finished I can almost taste it.

My missus is useless. She can’t do anything right. Probably something to do with the stroke she had.

I’ve decided to keep my money in my wifes bra. It gets more interest that way.

My cat adored me,was always at my side or on my lap. Then, one day, I just got fed up with it and the cat left. I lost that loving feline.

Just off for a quick fiddle with my kids. They love it when I play young at heart.

I think my wife found out about the affair I was having with one of the local farmers sheep. I woke up to find my car grafitied with the words ‘ewe cheating baaastard’

“I wear a lot of Axe body spray. But I live in a black neighbourhood and it’s called ask body spray.”

A policeman asked me, “Where were you on the evening of your wife’s death?” I said, “I was going door to door with my new business, delivering alcohol to those in need after 11pm, it’s a simple effective service; customers can order via telephone, or over the internet.” “How convenient,” said the officer.

I almost won the final of the “Don’t take off your blindfold” Olympics, but I peaked too soon.

I was gonna tell a joke about a silver nugget, a lump of iron and piece of coal walking into a bar, But it’s Ore-full

I’m paying for palm transplant surgery. Lots of money is going to change hands

This necrophiliac got himself a new girlfriend. However he was in doubt whether he cadaver or not.

Got into a fight this morning while listening to some music. I had my iPod on scuffle.

My wife accused me of ripping a piece off a poster advertising the local visually impaired school. I didn’t take a blind bit of notice.