Category: wordplay

Just been down the supermarket to buy some hot chocolate. Not a lot of Options really.

I was on talking to my mate over a walkie talkie when I asked him “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” He replied, “I think we’re on the same wavelength here.”

There was a fire at my discount carpet warehouse last night. I was just left with the remnants.

On the list of body parts on which I like to be kissed, the perineum is somewhere near the bottom.

Me and my mate had a heated argument with some random blokes about which console was the most entertaining. Wii won in the end.

BBC News: ROBIN HOOD OPENS CANNES. I was under the impression he had a bow and arrow not a tin opener.

Self-referential humour isn’t as funny as I think it is.

A lot of people have names that fit quite nicely, my friend Eg, for example.

My grandma won big at the bingo last night. Weird prize, but one of Tom Hanks better movie roles if you ask me.

My wife bought me a shot of Botox for my birthday… I didn’t look that suprised.

I’ve finally found out how to drive around corners. It’s been a learning curve.

Dwarfs are no taller than 4ft 10. That’s a little known fact.

New Flagship show of BNP TV announced: ‘How to solve a problem like Sharia’

My friend asked me for help selling his scrabble set. I told him I’d put the word out.

Apparently cluelessness is a sign of brilliance, I had no idea!