Category: wordplay

My mate’s a big Robot Wars fan. He’s built an incredible machine, but he’s got no one to battle with, so he just attacks random things in his mum’s house. It defeats the object.

So today’s news stated that “the spice turmeric used in curries can help the battle against cancer” It’s called kormatherapy

What do you call an impatient waiter? An Oxymoron

Just seen a beautiful girl with no hair walking through town.. That’s a pretty bold statement.

I was watching ‘Deal Or No Deal’ and I was thinking how amazing it was that one box can change so many peoples lives for the better. Then I finished wrapping the nail bomb for my wifes Christmas present.

Why do fitness instructors avoid going out clubbing? Because most clubs have a No Trainers policy.

My family frown upon my L.S.D. addiction but I walk around holding my head, high.

I once had a clock shop but it ended up going out of business. I gave too much tick and was eventually wound up.

I was doing a crossword earlier… 7 ACROSS – ‘Not very manageable’ CH_L_ENGING It wasn’t difficult.

I really put myself on the map at work yesterday. I never was serious enough to be a cartographer.

I was in the middle of robbing a bank when suddenly my body did a series of synchronous diaphragmatic flutters. So that was a bit of a hiccup.

My girlfriend left me because I decided to become a Taxidermist. Stuff her.

I finally got Angry Birds on my phone. I filmed my two sisters arguing over a Barbie doll.

For whom the bell tolls? For the person with the belt.

I was sitting in the dentists.chair today. “Open up for me please” he said. So I told him I was abused as a child, my dad was an alcoholic……..