Category: wordplay

I met my girlfriend in a photographer’s dark room. Things just developed from there.

I dont know what everyone’s so upset about. I love cutting up onions.

iPhone autocorrect is shut. It’s about as useful a sucking bank tissue.

I was thinking of putting in an offer to buy Samsonite but I’ve decided it comes with too much baggage.

I’ve never heard of a Dangerou before but apparently there are loads of them at the zoo. Every other cage has a sign saying: ‘These animals are Dangerous’.

I just bought a new Satnav, however it isn’t very precise. When I ask it for directions all it ever says is, “Round about now”

I used to be in stocks and shares, but I lost interest

I’ll only play snooker with people on condition that I have the first shot. It’s a habit I’ve got to break.

I was walking in the park earlier when a little Labrador puppy came running up to me. He was so cute that I had to pick him up but his owner screamed at me instantly, “Put him down.” I thought it was strange and harsh but I obliged by smashing the little guy’s head against […]

My wife was preparing lunch today when she asked, “Sweetheart, where’s the cheese grater?” “Some would say France, others would say England,” I replied.

I broke into my neighbours house and took a bath. I gave myself a hernia getting it down the stairs.

I’m hosting a panel show later. It’s about fencing.

I’ve just got my first job interview in two years! Until then I’m going to have to sign on.

The picture of my barren family farm was depressing So I cropped it

There are people who believe the earth is a square on every corner of the globe