Category: wordplay

BBC News: Henry leaves Barcelona for New York He should hoover up over there?

I had once had a girlfriend that was a dirty slag who after drinking strong anise and fennel based spirits did aerobic workouts and I miss her. I guess Absinthe makes the tart go Fonda.

Every afternoon, my kids take a power nap. Well, I say power nap, actually I just hit them with a taser.

I just sold a tin of kidney beans to my doctor for 60 pence. He says I have a really good pulse rate.

What single word can be a long sentence? Prison

All my life I’ve wondered where I’m from. I’ve asked my closest friends and relatives, but no one seems to know. Personally, I think I’m from Notre Dame…don’t ask me why, I’ve just got a hunch.

I managed to upset people today at my wifes funeral today by asking them if they enjoyed the service… Most of them think I shouldn’t have been playing Tennis.

My mum was driving me up the wall today. Her new stairlift is great.

The wife told me I was boring in bed. Carpentry really has no place in the bedroom.

I bought a sound system today and just like all other it has 2 speakers. What a stereotype…

Why did the chicken cross the road *brakes screeching* We will never know

I’ve recently hired a pair of etiquette consultants. They complement each other nicely.

My friend told me that he was going to a costume party dressed as a large Italian island… I replied to him “Don’t be Siscily”

Just wrote a beautiful song on my guitar. Though now i’m wishing i wrote it on some paper.

I buy all my furniture and bathroom fittings from the local Chinese restaurant. Today I ordered a suite and shower.