I’m starring in a new the …
I’m starring in a new theatrical drama called ‘Sword’. It’s a play on words.
Continue ReadingI’m starring in a new theatrical drama called ‘Sword’. It’s a play on words.
Continue ReadingI robbed a greengrocers earlier. But my efforts were fruitless.
Continue ReadingAt school I wanted to be in the cross country team, so asked the coach if I could join. “Have you got any stamina?” he asked. I said “Not really to be honest.” “Forget it then” he replied, “Without stamina, you’ve no chance in the long run.”
Continue ReadingMy mates a Ski instructor…. He teaches people to eat yoghurts safely.
Continue ReadingDo I have insomnia or amnesia? I Was up all night thinking about it, but I’ve forgotten which is which.
Continue ReadingI’ve always wanted to work in a colliery, but can’t see it happening now. Never mined.
Continue ReadingWhen I got arrested for flashing in public I was so furious I took it out on my kids.
Continue ReadingMy mate was preparing something in the kitchen ‘What are you doing?’ I asked him ‘I’m making my fish pie’, he said What an idiot, I thought. Fish don’t even eat pie
Continue ReadingIn today’s newspaper i read a food critic’s review of an Italian restaurant in Glasgow. Don’t think that he thought much of it though. The headline read “It’s the place to go pasta”.
Continue ReadingIf I had a Penny for everytime I forgot my wifes name. There wouldn’t be a problem in the first place.
Continue ReadingThis man told me that he had finally finished a 10 year sentence. To which I replied “Learn some punctuation, man”
Continue ReadingLast night I dropped a bottle of wine and three beers. I can’t handle my drink.
Continue ReadingI’m a bit like Marmite really… …the unwanted by-product of alcohol.
Continue ReadingI lost fifty quid on a fruit machine today. Stupid really because it was never going to win the race.
Continue ReadingI want to say that Van Nistelrooy is the greatest striker of my generation. But that would be Ruud.
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