Category: wordplay

The thought of people fighting over the last Chocolate Orange is Terry vying.

My mate is a tree surgeon. He’s lost many patients who simply refused to climb up there.

I was thinking of a place where water can be found that starts with a ‘W’ today but eventually just gave up. Oh well.

My teacher was trying to get me to answer a question on healthy living but I wouldn’t do it. He said ‘you’ll answer it if you know what’s good for you.’

My ex-girlfriend says im a neurotic who always brings up the past. I say she’s a bulimic who’s more likely to bring up the pasta

There’s something about the News of the World that I don’t like, but I can’t quite work out what it is. It’s been bugging me for a while.

What is the difference between a rock concert held on the grave of Oscar Wilde and Terry Wogan’s toupee? One is a gig on a wit…

I rather enjoy breakdancing. It’s just a shame it never leaves me any time to eat my lunch.

What cheese do you use to disguise a horse? Mascarpone

How did pirates cross out mistakes on treasure maps?

My mate said to me, “I really fancy a McDonald’s.” I thought, “That’s a weird fetish.”

I used to drink strongbow with my mate dave, but then he got killed by an arrow…

I’m the best at sponsored silences, if I don’t say so myself.

Ever get a shock from your car door? Mine just told me I’m adopted.

Everytime I climb on top of the wife she shouts, “Get off.” Well I’m not doing it for any other reason.