Category: wordplay

I applied for a job in the accidental joke centre the other day. “So, Dave. Do you think you are qualified?” I was asked. “To some degree,” I said.

Worst piece of advice about life Amy Winehouse ever received: You just need to get back on the horse.

Liberty X reuniting? Or is that just Hearsay?

I came a long way in therapy with my weird obsession of using shapes and numbers, but yesterday I slipped up. Now I’m back to square one.

I took my gran for a an Indian last night. I ordered a Korma, and the waiter asked, “Would you like that on your naan?” “No I’ll have it on a plate please, it will get stuck in her hair”.

Ramadan. Putting the slim back into Muslim.

Sophie Ellis Bextor has been found dead in the hotel bathroom of a retired French footballer. Police have confimed its murder on Zidane’s floor.

I’m going to court today charged with fisting an underage girl. I’m not entirely responsible, although I did have a hand in it.

Me? Save for a rainy day? Noah way.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to pay for this IV therapy. I might have to get it on the drip.

My wife handed me the iron earlier. . . Lucky for her we were on a golfcourse.

My mate said he’s got a new job, but all he does is sit at a computer all day every day. Is that I.T?

The kids at school used to make me wear a sticker to school telling everyone I was a geek. The teachers never showed any interest until they started making me wear a swotsticker.

My mate received an email yesterday asking him to send trouser zips to the address provided. I told him to ignore it, it sounds like they are fly phishing.

I’m really starting to get the hang of suicide.