Category: wordplay

I thought my wife would be thrilled when I told her that I got us a table at the poshest restaurant in town for tonight. Unfortunately I couldn’t get in into the flat so we’ll be having dinner in the garage.

Glitter is something small kids play with.

My friends have given me the nickname ‘Teflon’. It won’t stick.

I had an argument with a Jamaican about who became U.S. president after Franklin Roosevelt. According to him, it was Eisenhower, but I didn’t agree. At the end he must have realised his mistake because he said: “it’s Truman”.

BBC NEWS: Apple sues Samsung for ‘copying’ Samsung retaliate with name calling and telling the teacher.

Hydrogen, Helium… I don’t take these words lightly

My wife looked at me funny earlier. Lazy eye.

See. Smell. Taste. Feel. I think I can adhere to that.

On a recent trip to Australia, I witnessed a shark sunbathing in a fever of cartilaginous fishes. It was Basking in the Rays.

Ironically The One Show is The One Show I always avoid on TV

I used to be in a band called Amoeba, but we split.

I like to create lists which mix English and Latin, like: one, two, three, et cetera.

“What’s your name?” “Johnson.” “And your first name?” “It’s always been Johnson.”

Loads of people’s Facebook statuses have been about how they are watching the Pride of Britain Awards with a box of tissues. I turned it on, and there weren’t any fit women.

If someone says ‘I love you’ and you don’t feel the same way, say ‘I love YouTube’ really fast!