Category: wordplay

I was playing frisby in the garden with my son when he shouted “catch it!” I laughed “Don’t worry son I am a master at this” “No dad! you have just stepped in some”

Yesterday I was walking home in front of my wife when she said, “Tom, why do you always walk in front of me?” I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”

I was on the Antiques Roadshow the other day getting a valuation for my Babe Ruth statue. To my amazement the expert said it was worth only worth 500 quid. “I thought it would be worth much more,” I replied. “Well it’s just a ball park figure,” he retorted.

If anyone else is less observant than me, I haven’t noticed.

Feeling peckish, I decided to send my young son to the shop to fetch a hot pie for me. That was hours ago and there’s been no sign so I’m really starting to panic now. How long do pies stay edible?

I decided not to sand my cube down to a sphere. In the end, it would be pointless.

I hate having the top bunk. I always oversleep.

Isn’t it pointless to keep bailing out a certain Mediterranean country in the Eurozone? The money would have been more useful if it was printed on Greaseproof paper in the first place.

I just looked up the word “Indescribable” – ironically it’s a describing word.

When my twelve-year-old daughter came home from school last night she came up to my room, started sobbing and told me that the form teacher had been coming on to her all day. Without hesitating I slapped her round the face and told her she was grounded for a month. I’m not having any daughter […]

I just took a long, hard look in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. I could see the wife taking a shower behind me.

Thought my nose was bleeding Its snot.

BBC NEWS Headline: Town overrun by bins. What a load of rubbish.

Over the weekend it was so hot in the UK that people were standing next to Rupert Murdoch just tobe next to something shady.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.