Category: wordplay

My girlfriend asked me if i knew a word that had all 5 vowels in it. I said “It’s questionable…..”

Out of nowhere my mate nominated me to say a few words at his brother’s wedding. I was speechless.

BBC News: Man and boy die in chip pan fire. Must have been a very big chip pan?

Mum buys the most authentic Indian curry.

I’ve recently been working on making furniture out of dough. Right now I’m on a roll.

I’ve got Ravi Shankar coming over tomorrow but now he says he’s bringing his kid and do I “have anything they can play a duet on”? I’ve got him sorted but there’s no way I’m going to find a baby sitar on Christmas eve.

Money Saving Expert Dilemma: “Cat has licked the Sunday roast, should we eat it?” No, what a stupid question, there’s not even any good meat on a cat.

I just downloaded a court game from the internet. It says I get a 14 day free trial.

The government have apologised for taking over fifty years to pay compensation to Thalidomide victims. Apparently they’ve been a bit short-handed.

I’ve given up sniffing glue for Lent …and I’m sticking to it

I rubbed tomato ketchup all over my face today. In Heinzsight it wasn’t such a good idea.

I was sent home from work in January with extreme flatulance. Took the wind right out of my sales.

Wales v Costa Rica. Gary speed memorial match announced. Well i am not hanging around to watch that.

I was walking through the park after midnight, when somebody started following me. I walked a bit faster, but they kept up the pace. The person kept following me until finally, I stopped and turned around to see who it was. To my surprise, it was my secondary school maths teacher. I said, “Look, I […]

This bloke at the sewage plant was complaining that there was too much feces to process. Then again, a bad workman always blames his stools.