Category: wordplay

I bought some casings yesterday which allow rotation of mechanical components, but got lost on the way to collect them. Took a while to get my bearings.

I always get my girlfriend a new watch for her birthday. There’s no present like the time.

Suicide is a dying trend

Q: How do you know if a film was made by a Jewish director? A: The end is cut off.

The teacher asked my son, “What’s another word for incorrect?” His answer was wrong.

Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lit match. They want to catch him before he strikes again.

My girlfriend got us front row tickets to see Ricky Gervais live. It seems like a waste of money to me, he’s been living perfectly well for the last 49 years without people paying to watch it.

“Sherlock Holmes, from which schools are you getting these young children to have your wicked way with?” “Elementary, my dear Watson”.

The wife asked me today what I saw in her. I told her to shut up and keep still until I’d finished taking the x-ray.

I’ve been meaning to pay my Gas and Electricity bill. But I just don’t have the energy.

My girlfriend said she was in such a foul mood. So i took her to KFC

Smaller punctuation marks. I just don’t see the point.

I looked up a little girl’s skirt this morning. This is one of the many jobs I have to do in Mothercare’s stock room.

I bought a ticket to go see a rugby game yesterday. It said I was in the second row. I must say – The view was simply suberb, I could see the action right up close. Well, that was, until the referee kicked me out of the scrum.

I brought my wife a jigsaw with the words “You are really fat” on the front. Don’t know why she got so upset, it was only a bit of constructive criticism.