Category: wordplay

My friend keeps on telling me about the time I glued his hand to a dart. I said to him, “You can never let it go, can you.”

I actually tried plane sailing the other day…. It’s not as easy as it’s made out to be.

The Priest said it’s time for my communion, but I’m not really up for the exchange of bodily fluids tonight.

Grimsby Town 0-2 Bath Two tap ins, apparently.

The worst thing about christmas was the jumper I was given. Not what you want on your first day as a negotiator.

My wife said I could call our new daughter anything I like, So I called her bluff.

This man came up to me and said ‘Good sir, why are you not stalking me?’ I said ‘I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.’

How does an Irish psychologist like his eggs? Freud

I thought my stereo was broken because it continually plays Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” . But it turns out I just have motivational speakers.

My ex-girlfriends last words just before she left me were: “Isn’t it a lovely view from this cliff, darli…..?”

Yesterday , I wrote on my friend’s wall for his birthday. He says that he was disgusted because he got it painted three days ago.

My Pokemon card collection was destroyed in a fire. I’ve only got Ash now.

And then Noah said unto the Lord “Ok, so what kind of an ark is an aardv?”

A plane carrying two football teams has caught fire in mid-air. Every player on board has been forced to jump out without a parachute. It’s a Catch 22 situation.

I’ve just been to the shop for a paper, I asked the bloke, ‘Can I have a Sunderland Echo please?’, and he shouted ‘SUNDERLAND!… Sunderland… Sunderland.’