Category: wordplay

When people try to sell me things, I find it very hard to say no. I have a stutter.

My mate changed his name to Arial Font. He’s always been a bit bold like that.

At a recent council meeting, a local man demanded, “We need to know about the fate of the village!” A councillor said, “It’s on June 14th; there will be a raffle, and many stalls.”

I bought my fat wife some size 10 clothes for her birthday, Many unhappy returns

I’d really like to accept my wife’s portrait sculpture of me, but I’d hate to get a head of myself.

I was adopted, so my parents are relative strangers.

Just to ram it home to Simon Cowell, I just hope ‘The Force’ is with Gamu giving her the Christmas number one. It should be .. She’s a little on the dark side.

Just written a song about blackboards & the cane. You know, old school..

I thought I would be romantic and drink champagne from my wife’s shoe. I started to feel sleepy and sick. I think she had laced it.

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

Crimewatch: “If you saw someone with a petrol can like this on the 30th of May 1997, please get in touch and catch this arsonist.” How ridiculous! No-one’s going to remember a petrol can they saw 13 years ago. …because I used Diesel.

My argumentative friend went into PC World, Currys and Comet today and bought every single copy of Microsoft Office. He always has to have the last Word.

Since my so called father told me I was adopted, I’ve been on a search to find my true parents After several months of searching I found out I’m a child of two Vampires I haven’t been able to look at myself in the mirror since.

If the road you’re driving down has a lot of potholes, it’s probably a highway.

MSN News: “Andre bessotted with Burke” I thought they split up?