Category: wordplay

For the record…… I don’t own a turntable.

I like to tell women that I’m responsible for a large team of web designers. I find it gets a better reception than saying I live in a bedsit that’s infested by spiders.

Never steal second-hand tambourines. The repercussions will be terrible.

I was playing guitar earlier, I ended up getting a little too excited and managed to snap my G string. I certainly won’t be playing guitar with my underwear again.

I’d like to become an oncologist. It’s a job with growth opportunities.

My son doesn’t look half the boy he used to be since Billie died… They were Siamese twins.

More and more people are breaking agreements each day. That’s not promising.

I got myself a nice pair of speakers today, I love stealing from the debating society.

An old man came up to me & said ‘…L , M, N, Grrr, P, Q…’ I thought ‘what a weird-o’

I followed this white bird with really long legs home the other night. Police are doing me for storking.

Theres a thin line between madness and genius. . and refugees going from Ethiopia to Sudan

I sat down at job interview today. The interviewer said immediately, “Clearly, Mr. Jones, you’ve been lying on your C.V. It says here, that you’ve worked in PR for nearly five years, and yet you’re only sixteen? How can that be?” And I thought loads of 11 year-olds had a paper round.

Vietnamese cannabis factories are popping up all over the country. Police say they are trying to ‘nip it in the bud’

Reports are coming in of a pair of kids who seem to be setting up some kind of criminal network based on a code of honour, where punishments are harsh but there is always respect. Local police suggest that, while these are heartening signs, it’s probably just symptomatic of a short-lived fad. “We’ve seen this […]

I didn’t know how to spell ‘plagiarised’ so I copied and pasted it.