Category: wordplay

I’m not finding it easy giving up lying. It’s quite hard to be honest.

There was a bunch of people outside Buckingham Palace this morning discussing the fact there were two flags flying on the roof. Talk about double standards.

At midnight last night, the sun came back up. I’m not sure why I was eating newspapers in the first place.

I’ve just started a business which is a rat and mouse washing service. It’s going great… All our customers are squeaky clean

My neighbour and i are having an argument. Every time he sees me he throws mud clods. I’ll win because he’s already losing ground.

My mate goes for regular check-up’s. He’s an upskirt specialist.

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Where’s he getting the other 3 from?

My phone rang today, but when I picked it up, all I could hear from the other end was someone shouting; “Ice cube, snow, blizzard, air conditioning” I hate cold callers.

My mate just told me that his light bulb had been swearing at him and calling him allsorts. I looked at the light for a moment. “That’s not on”.

Apparently lawyers lose most of their cases at Heathrow.

My mate’s given up football to concentrate on his studies. He doesn’t do anything by halves.

people need to learn when to use ‘too’ and ‘to’ i’ve seen them used wrongly two many times one here!

There’s an F in football. There’s an F in Fernando. But there’s no F in chance Torres will score anytime soon.

I was a bit nervous at first… It was long and went straight up! I eased myself onto it and I loved it! Before I knew it, I was going up and down on it! Boy, do I love escalators!

I worked as a kiln operator for a few weeks. But I ended up getting fired.