Category: wordplay

All these maths related puns are just ridiculous. People should really get out more…..you might even get a tan!

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag.

As I watched a spider slowly walk down my arm, I thought, “He’s going out on a limb there.”

1 in 8 people say they have fallen asleep at the wheel. I’ve always said the London Eye was boring.

There’s a special way to handle soap in prison. I soon picked it up.

I finally quit my job as a waiter. Standing around all day bored me.

9% of people say darkness is their greatest fear. For the BNP, that figure rises to 100%

Dimmer switches are delighting.

I’m also a doctor, and – coincidentally – one of my patients also called me up to tell me her eyes had gone black. “Well, they’ll never go back”, I told her.

I bought an Apple Mac today for just over a grand. A bit over priced really, for what is essentially, a fruit shaped piece of clingfilm…

A bloke walks into a bar looking glum. The barman asks; ‘Whats up fella?’ ‘All my mates are off bobsleighing.’ Replies the man. ‘You upset they did’nt ask you?’ enquires the barman. ‘No,’ says the man sadly. ‘I’m Bob.’

I recently got sacked from my cleaners job at the care home, I dont understand why the manager acted so badly, He was the one that told me to get into every nuck and granny

BBC: 7 year olds can’t read well. I’m stopping my 3 quid a month. Only wanted them to drink from it.

I’ve just flown back from a 2 week all-inclusive holiday in Tunisia. I had a riotous time.

I made my girlfriend my wallpaper but she didn’t have enough skin for me to finish.