Category: wordplay

I just made a scab on my arm bleed, from scratch.

I’ve just seen an antiques enthusiast asking for a babies crib… It must have been Tim Wonnacott

My maths teacher explained to me that I didn’t understand the sum of n numbers divided by n. In the end he said I was an avereage student. How mean.

My PC wasn’t working today Apparently he got arrested for beating up a woman last year

And in lighter news, Zippo have announced record profits.

“Mayweather is looking at 34 years inside” Ironic thing being, he May never see Weather again.

My Neighbour El, recently lost her family in a brutal murder. It was kind of awkward when the police turned up at her door and said, “‘Ello El”

I’ve got almost all of Stephen King’s books. He keeps asking for them back.

People say I’m really well suited with my new girlfriend, and I have to agree. She is an excellent tailor.

Rock and roll has torn my family apart. My parents died in an avalanche.

I just want to thank the girl who ran with me for the last few kilometres of the Great Manchester Run yesterday, not wearing a sports bra. Your lack of support got me through.

I got sacked because I wouldn’t check out this gorgeous woman at work. I hated being a hotel receptionist anyway.

I hate the smoke ban in pubs and clubs across England, it’s affected me more than your average bloke. I’m a magician and everybody can see my tricks.

I was at the local convent yesterday when I accidentally threw the Sister over a fence using 2 pieces of wood and a chain. It was a Nunchuck.

My little brother is currently fighting near in northern Afghanistan. The aim being to take control of the Mullah Headquarters. Seems like an awful lot of effort for a yoghurt factory, if you ask me.