Category: wordplay

My school are putting on a play based around Burger King. I’m playing a very important roll.

I hired a guy to dig a Grand Canyon in my garden, and he did a 4 foot trench. I asked “How is that Grand?” He replied “That’ll be a thousand quid please.”

Being unemployed does have its benefits!

After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Prison walls are never built to scale.

I would like to write a movie about a shepherd who loves to cook, and works with M15 and the SIS. It will be called Shepherd Spy…..

Camomile. Not really my cup of tea….

I have just started dating an escape artist. She’s brilliant in the sack.

I tell my mates that my relationship ended because of my allergies, because the first time i stayed the night.. I found nuts in my girlfriends snickers

I shot my paper boy this morning, I left his body slumped over his bag. His death was all over the news.

“Hey Noah, where do you want these bees?” “Put them in the archive.”

“Does your girlfriend scream and shout when she comes?” “Nah, I gave her a key months ago.”

Anybody know how to sketch an empty bullet cos i’ve drawn a blank

I can’t decide which satanic card game to play. Oh well – better the Devil Uno.

I told my friend not to dig beneath me to find gold but he went ahead and undermined me.