Category: wordplay

There was a break-in at the Dublin hall of mirrors last night. So far, Irish police have arrested 15 midgets and a 7ft anorexic woman.

Yesterday, in a bush next to a park, I was waiting for my chance to strike. What a strange place to hold a bowling tournament.

My mate handed me a broken valium pill last night. It was a bit of a downer.

BBC news: Fire hits Oxfam warehouse in Huddersfield. It must have been like bonfire night with all those flares going up.

The Whisk Cooking implement for most. Favourite boy band for Jonathan Ross

I pulled a cracker last Christmas. There’s a joke in there somewhere.

I did think it odd when the wife said she fancied a bit of rock and roll. It broke 4 of her teeth when I made her a sandwich.

I came into the kitchen yesterday and saw my wife searching frantically in the kitchen. ‘What are you looking round for?’ I asked. ‘My keys’ she replied, ‘I can’t find them anywhere.’I meant what are you looking round for, fatty? You were a normal shape when I married you’

I was in a horse race and just as got to the finishing line someone threw an apple seed at me… Pipped at the post

Sky news – ‘Mother ‘Told Police She Had Killed Children’ Not really mother any more then is she…

I’ve convinced everyone I know that I have more body organs than any other human being. Of course I know it’s not true. In my heart of hearts.

I tried to storm a Taliban base but failed. I don’t know which move I did wrong in the rain dance.

Woke up this morning feeling slightly warmed up, with this weird imprint all over me. I just lay there as I was soaked in syrup and sprinkled with sugar…. I’m sorry, listen to me just waffling on.

BBC NEWS: Bomb police want to trace couple. Scotland Yard seeks help from Art Attack

My wife is just like a moussaka. Without the saka.