Category: wordplay

I can’t believe Eddie Stobart’s dead. Sad news. I thought he was here for the long haul.

Bowler’s union strikes.

I’ve invented a new hair dye range that is only available for people in supervisory positions. It’s called ‘Just Foremen’.

What did Batman say to South Africa? Nice cape.

A bloke walks into a sandwich shop and says “Cheese sandwich please”. The guy behind the counter says “With relish?”. The bloke replies “Why I would just love one of your delicious cheese sandwiches my good man”.

A soon as my daughter came home today I called her into the front room. “Jane, you know the extra special present I got you for Christmas last year,” I said, “Well, if you come and look in the garden, I think you’ll find that I’ve managed to top it”. Squealing peals of excitement she […]

I cut the head off a chicken earlier. Five minutes later he was still running around like a very poor football clich.

Sony. Panasonic, Technics, Bang Olufsen, Teac. They’re just stereotypes.

I tried to use my psychic powers to move a ball to the other side of a tunnel but it turned out the ball was too big. I just didn’t think it through.

Maths puns are the first sine of madness.

Norwegian footballer scores with a header from his own half, if only he’d been called Arn Mihedsson…

Some guy ran into my shop the other day with a bit of beef in his hand, demanding ownership. I think he wanted to be a Stakeholder.

I’ve just been given two weeks to live. The wife’s gone away for a fortnight.

My grandfather bit the dust while going down on grandma.

I’ve lost all my motivation in my job as a bus driver. I really need a coach.