Category: wordplay

“Have you heard the joke about no and me neither?” “No?” “Me neither.”

My friend has made a new type of birdbox to help new birds fledge. Can’t really see it taking off.

I hate the old tramp who lives under the railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.

I went to the Q Awards last night. It took me three hours to get in.

I was chatting affably with the Italian waiter in the Trattoria last night. After the main course he asked. ‘And what do you do senor?’ ‘Oh, i’m just a litigation lawyer’ I replied. His eyes lit up, and he said. ‘Then for dessert, may i recommend mama’s home made suet pudding.’

Paedophilia can put you in a tight spot.

I’ve been babysitting for a while now. They really do make the most comfortable chairs.

I’ve just run over a hoodie with my combine harvester. There’s no way I’m going to be able to seperate the wheat from the chav.

CNN News: At least 10 people killed in monster twister. Invite a vampire, a werewolf and godzilla to play Twister and you’re just asking for it.

Did you hear about the carpenter who became an MP? He put the cabinet together.

My Jamaican postman always leaves me wanting. Or another.

I’ve found a great way to last longer in bed… …don’t set your alarm clock.

A sign on the wall at work today read: People with Authority to key cabinet: Ashley Brian David Paul Sandra Wendy People with NO authority: Ahmed Jon ( thats me) Mohammed Sunita Wilson Winston I could not believe i had been Black listed!

If you are a literal minded cannibal, self-catering vacations are a bad idea

When’s the only time a woman really wants the company of a bloke? When he owns it.