Category: wordplay

I’ve always lived by the motto my mum once told me, “Never go to bed angry.” I stay awake and plot my revenge.

I thought there would be no end to my very rare eating disorder but the doctor suggested I go to this work out group and there I met other people who ate Willows, Beeches and Elms. It seems to be working.. It’s been three weeks now and I’m tree total.

I received some shocking news after peeing on an electric fence.

BBC News- ‘openness demanded over oil spills’ Isn’t that what caused them in the first place?

Great music teachers can be very instrumental.

If Nick Griffin was a proper “Right Winger” he would be playing for England instead of Sean Wright Phillips

What do amputee’s want for christmas? Stocking fillers.

During a spelling test, our teacher told us to write down ‘to capitalise’. That one was too easy I thought, as I wrote ‘I I’.

I went to one of those dating agencies the other day. They took one look at me and said “25th March 1976”. Well impressed.

I really, really hate it when people repeat a word for emphasis.

“Couple are jailed over abuse of Young Boys” I heard plenty of Tottenham fans giving them abuse the other week, I dont see them being jailed.

5 star hotel room with king size bed. ‘Check’ Champagne on ice for two. ‘Check’ Gorgeous woman to complete the evening… Made me pay in cash.

I appeared in court today. Judge was pretty impressed with my magic trick.

I’ve noticed that chess players always close doors behind them. It must be cause they don’t like draughts…

I was chatting up a bird in the pub last night. She said, “Do you know what I hate?” I said, “No, what?” She said, “Blokes like you”. I said, “I can’t help that, perhaps they think I’m a nice guy”.