Category: wordplay

When my wife caught me cheating she said she would cut me a break. I only realised I’d misheard her when my car plummeted over the rivine.

I went for a job interview at the Hi Fi factory today. They turned me down.

BP have commissioned my PR firm to re-brand their oil spill as a new oceanic beauty spot. Sounds like a pretty slick move to me.

Did you hear about the proctologist who was too slow at his job? His boss told him to pull his finger out.

I was smoking a joint at school when I thought, “Why can’t I just have sandwiches?”

What comes before M? James Bond at the wild MI6 Christmas party

I said, “You know that girl I took home last week?” My mate said, “Oh yeah” I said, “I kept her knickers as a trophy” He said, “Ha ha nice one” I said, “The winners of the under 9’s football league didn’t think so”

Auto-erotic asphyxiation, it’s breathtakingly good.

Me and another guy have been fighting for a woman’s affection for a while, and I finally mustered the courage to propose, with a huge inflatable sign saying “Will you marry me?” Unfortunately, my rival managed to pop the question first.

My friends a travelling contortionist. She lives out of her suitcase.

I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flour. My teacher said I was the perfect roll model.

A pole was taken last month, statistics show a large increase in the kidnapping of Eastern Europeans.

I was eating some salad the other day, and noticed some mould on the edge of my lettuce. On further investigation, this proved to be just the tip of the iceberg.

This electrician arrived home at 3am The wife says “wire you insulate?”

I hate it when people make smelling mistakes.