Category: wordplay

Went into a boat repair yard this morning. “Excuse me but can you repair my rubber dinghy? ” I asked the man. “Why certainly sir.” He replied ” It’s no hardship.”

I went to a car boot sale this morning. I don’t know why, I’ve got a hatch-back.

My wife has just told me she wants to tie the knot. Which is great! I had no idea she was into S&M

I didn’t understand a single word that my new maths tutor said in my first lesson. He may as well have been talking sin language.

Me and my Friend only understand even numbers…what are the odds?

So Stephen Hendry has retired from Snooker. Clearing up a table was never a mans job.

Cashiers are always checking me out.

A friendly midget working in the crematorium? That’s a nice little urner.

Out christmas shopping today, I noticed the Josef Fritzl autobiography in WH Smith’s. Apparently, it’s not a big seller.

I’ve just sold my sole to the devil. Ruined a good pair of trainers.

So Russel Crowe challenged an Australian newspaper columnist to a cycle duel, and lost. He still beat her!

I’ve got my skydiving instructor to help me fix a leaking sink. He’s going to teach me how to plummet.

I was showing my girlfriend my amazing new magic watch the other day. “Look!” I said. “It says you don’t have any underwear on!” “But I do…” She replied. “Oh really? It must be 15 minutes fast then.”

My dream wife keeps telling me I fantasize too much

Sky News: “Five arrested over hit and run death of boy” Those lads just can’t keep out of trouble at the moment.