Category: wordplay

My concept of an ‘erasable pen’ was rejected by the guys at Dragons’ Den. However they did say it was a good idea, at least on paper.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I’m giving away a puppet for free. No strings attached.

I was walking down the road when a man threw a small tin of cash at me. “That’s petty” I thought.

I just fired a shotgun at my wife. She went up the wall.

I knew I bought a dodgy DVD player when it started playing up. Which was weird, considering I haven’t even got it on DVD.

I used to date a girl who loved smashing Disney Pixar DVDs all by herself… But she broke Up with me.

I like to choke the chicken, bash the bishop and jerk the gherkin at every opportunity. I’m quickly running out of farms, churches and delicatessens that I’m not barred from.

chocolate caramel digestives could life be sweeter

Jumped in the shower earlier. Didn’t know landing on a slippery surface was that hard.

Just been down to the shops to get a new mouse mat. He keeps on trailing mud into the house every time he’s been out.

i’ve recently come up with some groundbreaking technology ..i call it a shovel

I once got asked to do a sketch of an old gameshow host dressed up as a Charlies Angel. I drew Barrymore.

My Jamaican mate walked in on me doing a crossword. I said, “You have to help me. I need a ten letter word meaning Great in ambition and scope. I’ve been trying to do this for two weeks.” He said, “Monumental.” I said, “No, I’m not, I’m just stuck on this one word.”

What’s long, white, hard and forced into my daughter’s mouth every night? Her toothbrush.