Category: wordplay

After further scientific experimentation in my shed … problems with blood types, failed skin grafts and general patient discontent has meant .. Commercial production of a cat of nine tails is unlikely.

What do infertile men and mobile phones have in common? Neither make Siemens any more.

I just dropped my packet of biscuits from the top of a 50 ft building. Crumbs.

According to my boss my new work colleague is Eddie Bull. Which is good to know in case I’m ever peckish.

I had some time to kill yesterday. So I went round to the mother-in-law’s.

I’m going to the ‘Stop Ducks Quacking’ festival at the weekend. Some really tight bands on the bill.

Architects and politicians say windows are better than walls. Clearly they have not eaten sausages while trying to load vista.

I’m never drinking with average Joe again. He’s a mean drunk.

I was bored so i blew up my neighbours herb garden. I was killing thyme.

Its unfortunate for me that people see me as a lover not a fighter… as I’m actually as much better fighter than I am a lover. For one thing, the fights usually last longer… …and also, I use my fists less.

Just seen the latest John Terry incident I can’t help but feel there was no knee’d for it.

Anyone else think it’s a bit ironic that Tiger Woods’ sport of choice requires him to score as little as possible?

The word Elton John was actually having trouble with was “soiree”. He never did get it right.

BBC News reported that Leona Lewis and Sarah Jessica Parker have fired their agents. Both stars have apparently contacted a top European agency who say they are eager to take over the reins.

I’m getting very close to breaking the world record for stacking chunks of beef, it’s getting nervous though, with every chunk I add the steaks are getting higher…