Category: wordplay

I like my new optician, she’s easy on the eye.

Jews pray standing up. Muslims pray kneeling down. While Catholic Priests prey on young boys.

My daughter reminds me of a cute little bunny… I run her over in my car.

I went and brought Peat up from the shops today. I never knew how expensive it would be for a bag compost.

A bunch of OAP’s came into my shop today, they started to push and shove trying to get their hands on the latest top of the range mobility scooter. I told them to ‘form an Elderly queue.’

I now have a four poster bed to myself. Well, to be honest, my wife’s kicked me out and I’m sleeping on the local football pitch.

I’m not very good at algebra, and I can’t work out y.

“Doctor, my breathing is shallow. I can’t take a big breath anymore. Do you think it’s because of the medicine you gave me?” “Probably, it can cause sigh defects.”

Wednesday night saw Real Madrid’s cup run over for another year.

My wife was stupid to put a basket in the hall for the cat. I don’t think it will get its ball up that high.

I’ve noticed observational jokes are particularly popular.

After a monster dinner tonight I’m setting a webcam live stream show up from my bathroom, it’s called the two-and-a-half pound drop

What’s the big obsession with Ji-Sung Park? He’s no different from the rest of them.

I went to the doctors today for a ketchup He diagnosed dyslexia as the sauce

I had a weird dream about a long slimy fish being knighted by the queen. It was Sir Eel.