Category: wordplay

I’m dating a lady called Sue, however, every woman I’ve ever dated has ended up killing themselves… Sue aside.

Leroy said, “I’ve got a really bad headache.” I asked, “Have you taken anything?” He replied, “A couple of aspirin.” I said, “No, have you taken anything? My wallet is missing.”

Every month I give money to William Shatner, William G Stewart, William Hague and William Clinton. That’s the main reason I keep working. I’ve got Bills to pay.

I only listen to mathcore. It’s the genre that counts.

Some people say Birmingham looks great in the summer. I reckon it looks better in the Rear view mirror.

Just got back from a bakers funeral. Flour’s everywhere.

My local pub called the Fawcett Inn have anounced there going to make there own cider Its going to be called ‘Fawcett Inn Cider’

I Klingon to all hope that there will be another season of Star Trek.

My wife told me I was milking it when I brought a cow home from the factory.

The fire alarm went off at the local hospital last night. It was the only thing I could think of which used the same type of batteries as my toy lightsaber.

In a recent fit of rage, I threw books on the floor, upturned furniture, ran around screaming and then ripped the minute hand of the clock. I needed some time off.

I got the Next catalogue this morning, I wouldn’t mind but I haven’t had the first one yet

My mate’s wife finished with him the other day because he kept thinking he was an old-fashioned pocket watch. We’ve been winding him up ever since.

Midgets are no longer getting served in my local. They say it’s discrimination, but I think that the pub’s just raising the bar.

i went bobsleighing the other day! i killed hollness, monkhouse and that builder chap!