Category: wordplay

If Benitez asked his Liverpool squad to push pineapples and shake a tree, what would Agger do?

Our local water authority’s said that there could be a hosepipe ban if we have a warm summer. I’m not worried… I’ve had a 24 foot long tap installed!

I’ve just been to the ventriloquist shop to buy stuff. “I got all the gear”

“From the creators of Boggle comes Nab It, a game where anyone can win!” Oh thank god it’s not like all the other board games where only a certain kind of person can win.

The Iron Lady is a rubbish film. Tony Stark isn’t even in it.

I asked my wife to run me a bath to the depth of 1.8288 metres. She just couldn’t fathom it.

My wife said she’s leaving me because I look like Carlos Tevez. Fair enough.

I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes; Free Bar!

My mate just dropped out of school. 5th floor window, poor guy didn’t have a chance.

I’ve just watched my dyslexic son searching for ‘Horn Pub’ on google. He’s not even old enough to drink.

How do fat people win sporting events? When its on a plate for them.

Eating veal can be dangerous. As I took a bite, I tore a calf muscle.

Napoleon said, “Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever” Or is that something I read about previous X Factor winners?

I’ve got a new job looking after pigeons suffering from OCD. The wage is rubbish, but my workplace is full of tidy birds.

I tried changing channels earlier but realised the batteries were gone. It’s out of my control.