Category: wordplay

My doorbell rang this morning. I didn’t even know it had a phone.

Ever since my friend got his ear pierced, the ladies have been all over him. What a stud.

I’ve just booked the lowest price bus journey to Italy you’ll ever see Arriva dirt cheap

Get me a lemon, sharpish.

A man becomes a monk and on the first day he is shown around the place and learning the regulations. Eventually they go into a room and on the wall there is a huge plate made out of precious metal and various markings on it labeled with numbers. The man, astonished, reached out towards it […]

I get cheap cigarettes from the Asian bloke that lives at the end of my street. His nickname is Bacci Stan.

My wife’s got a new job with a home delivery company, but she’s struggling with its demands. ‘You really have to drive yourself to do it,’ I said.

They say the chance of a girl beating anorexia is very slim.

I just found a note that says “Dial-a-Party” and a phone number. I believe this calls for a celebration.

My great-grandparents are pretty average really.

I went to see a tarot card reader the other day. I said It’s my birthday can you tell me what the cards say. She said To John, Happy Birthday.

Apparently, when two women live together, their periods can become synchronised. I found that out from two girls who share a pad.

My granddad bet me I couldn’t break his walking stick in under 5 minutes. So I snapped it in two

Hit me at 30, there’s an 80% chance I’ll live… Hit me at 40, there’s an 80% chance I’ll die… Obviously hitting middle age makes drivers much more vicious.

The wife’s just told me that for my birthday she’s ordered me a winch driven vertical hoist giving easy access to underground aqueous resources. I’ve not a clue what she’s talking about but I’m sure she means well !!