Category: wordplay

It’s weird that the words ‘finger puppets’ sound okay as a noun…

Wasn’t going to purchase an animal for the annual male duck race but I went down to the farm anyway, I thought I’d go for a quick gander…

My wife complained at me for not using enough herbs when I cook for her. I told her I just didn’t have the thyme.

What do you call a ginger with a dead gorgeous body? A necrophiliac.

I watch pom. You misread that, didn’t you?

The electric gate that killed the 12 year old girl has been released by police without charge. So now it’s just a gate.

I’ve bought a new pet that commits suicide at parties, Bit of a one trick pony.

I employed a new gardener and gave him a list of tasks to do, when I returned he only done tasks 1,3,5 and 7 on the list. Turns out he’s just an odd job man.

I received a letter in the post from my gas and electric company asking for my meter readings. I phoned them up and said “Well it’s 100cm, of course.”

Results day for my daughter and, like many parents, I’m more than a little nervous. Is the baby mine?

I have been informed of some key information. They are useful for opening locks

There was a man walking down the street wearing a big coat. The hood on his jacket kept leaping about frantically and people are throwing money into it. I asked him “Do you earn a lot doing that?” The man replies “Yea! It’s my lively hood.”

My father used to tell me that a round of golf was a fairway to vent his anger.

Ive just been playing that game where you have to find out the song that was number one in the week you were born..someone told me that mine was Paradise by Coldplay..I told them I wasnt born yesterday!

I asked a fisherman for some advice, but he just told me to sling my hook