Category: wordplay

I never laugh at people who are less fortunate than me. They’re too hard to find

I’ve just seen 2 men trying and failing to rescue Leonard Nimoy from a hostage situation. Should have gone to SpockSavers.

My mates always say that I have luck on my side. I prefer to call it an oddly shaped birth mark.

I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets 10’ I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery

I swear, the only reason I get up in the morning is that it’s my favourite Pixar film.

Solar powered calculators never let you down. you can count on them.

I asked my mate Paul what a palindrome was. He didn’t have a clue but suggested I ask Bob or Hannah.

My Agatha Christie ‘murder mystery’ duvet cover finally arrived in the post. Can’t wait to open the package & see how it all unfolds

I miss my old job at Burger King quite a lot. I still phone in sick everyday though.

I hold the record for most rides on that big Ferris wheel in London. I’m somewhat of a celebrity. I’ve been in the public eye for years.

Me and the wife are going through a trial separation. It all started when I was held on remand.

I met a really Dirty girl last night in the pub. After flirting with her for ages, i took her home and gave her exactly what she was needing. A Bath.

Wonder if I’ll get nailed for copyright infringement when I open up my new Korean fast food joint, “Unlucky Fried Kitten”?

Time walks into a bar… And gets wasted.

I can tell by the looks I get in the changing rooms,that I am very blessed in the trouser department. My wife really is an excellent tailor.