Category: wordplay

I never apologise. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.

The wife just said, “Why do you always show me disapproval using facial expressions?” “That’s how, eye-roll.” I replied

I watched an hour long programme about sheets and duvets. The coverage was brilliant.

To save money, I had my profession printed on my business cards as “Archaeolo”. You get the gist.

I’ve started going to a new church that’s built on the burial site of the old paediatric hospital. We pray on children.

I bought a shoe horn off some guy down in the market but it doesn’t make getting my shoes off any easier. Although it does clear the pavement ahead of me when I’m out walking.

BBC NEWS: HP to exit PC and tablet business… It’s probably best they stick to making sauces.

I bought my wife a cat-suit. But she looks more like a hippo.

I was in the car with Slash, Tommy Stinson, Dizzy Reed and Chris Pitman when all of a sudden the car crashed. The police said the accident was to do with the front, right tyre. We were missing an Axel.

I don’t think I’m cut out for this mine clearing malarkey. The Sergeant says it’s going to take a while to find my feet.

The operation to separate me from my conjoined twin is tearing us apart

I met my girlfriend at a summer fair. It was fete.

My wife left me due to my obsession with explosives Don’t know what set her off

I got called to the school last week, as apparently my son had used the ‘n’ word several times. Once I got him home, I had a quiet word with him about it. I told him, “How many times, you never say never.”

Sodomy – when there’s nothing on the telly and your Dad is also in a curious mood