Category: wordplay

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That is, unless you choke on it.

I saw a sign that said ”Stay away from Cliff edge.” I’ve never met him but he sounds horrible.

I hit a man with a baseball bat yesterday, he’s got two broken arms… Which is what gave me the courage in the first place.

I went to a global warming conference the other day, never going again, the atmosphere was terrible

Whats a drug users favourite type of video game? Shoot em ups.

Has one heard of the signifance of the letters c, t, s and q? It appears they are inconsequential

I said to my wife today: “You’re like a dandelion” She said: “Why? Because i’m pretty and remind you of summer”? I said, “No, because you want your head blowing off”

Lost my job at McDonalds yesterday. Management seems to have a different definition of seeded bun.

I know my father will always be looking down on me. He’s seven foot four.

This morning, I put my shoes on the wrong feet. I just wish I could remember whose feet they were.

I met a guy the other day who said his name was ‘Ian Smith’ I said ‘I don’t believe you’ He asked ‘Why not?’ I said ‘Because there is no ‘e’ in ‘Smith’.

I had a fight with Dracula last night and he punched me unconscious to the floor. I was completely out for the Count.

If you quit your job as a barber. Do you get a leaving do?

I went to the petrol station the other day and I said to the cashier, “Have you got any Twix?” “Yes,” he replied and started juggling.

My Dad drove his car into a wall at the weekend. Witnesses left cards and flowers tied to the goalposts.