Category: wordplay

Apparently Barack Obama is going to Camp David for Christmas. Is that a place or a person?

A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and he says “Audi!”

My mum used to always say, “Strike while the iron’s hot”. A lot of postman must have some immaculate uniforms at the moment.

You know your getting older when…At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.

I wasn’t sure whether to quit my guitar lessons, so I decided to play it by ear. But that just made my head sore.

What’s the best way to make a woman feel wanted? Drink 12 pints of Stella.

I think I’m going to have an Indian tonight. Whether she likes it or not.

I’m being hounded by a Lulu impersonator who sings down the phone to me. It makes me wanna shout.

My wife asked if i could go on top tonight because she wanted a change. I love London double decker buses.

If I ever found out I only had a week to live and could go anywhere in the world… I think I’d go to the hospital, because it sounds serious.

I’m bone idle. I’m not lazy, I just can’t get an erection.

Just won the World Mute Championships. I have no words to describe it.

I really enjoy April Showers. I’m just glad she’s into water sports.

I think my wife has caught me defying the government. I overheard her on the phone saying she found me revolting.

My wife died from something terminal. I pushed her off a roof at Heathrow Airport.