Category: transport

“If you can’t see my mirrors then I can’t see you” Excellent, pull in close behind you and I’m safe to pick my nose then…

I got talking to a woman and she asked me what my name was: “Dennis” “Oh really, did your parents like old fasioned names then?” “Nah, they were fire engine enthusiasts”

Just drove home from the pub and the police pulled me over. I was asked to explain why I was driving on the pavement, so I was honest….I said I had no road tax!

I pulled my wife bleeding from the wrecked car, as she screamed and pleaded for me to let her have one more shot at parking it again.

ME69 YOU will make a great registration plate in 2019

I bought a second hand FedEx van today. I hate the colour and the uniform, but I can park it anywhere.

I give my wife a bottle of champagne every weekend. Just before she goes swimming.

I was following a BMW down the road today when suddenly, it veered to the left, mounted the pavement & mowed down a bunch of school kids. I was gobsmacked, things happened so fast, there was no indication at all

What’s the difference to being run over by a train and getting an electric shock? about 5 minutes according to my mate liam.

Just kicked my neighbours car, now I have to figure out how to get a smart car out of a tree.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome on board this Ryanair flight. In the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, masks will drop down from above you. Please insert 5 Euros for oxygen.

3 year old girl falls through stairs while boarding aircraft. Ryanair promise to take steps to avoid a repeat incident.

Me and the wife stopped at the services recently for some breakfast. We got two fry ups, two coffees and two jam doughnuts. I got to the cashier and I said, “I’m sorry, love, but I only have a 50 note.” “That’s okay,” she said, “just put the doughnuts back.”

After experiencing another long delay I went up to the ticket office at the train station. ‘ Whats the point of having a train time table if all the trains are always late, ‘ I said. ‘ Well if we didn’t have a time table how would we know the trains were late, ‘ replied […]

My wife caused chaos yesterday by going up the motorway on the wrong side. She was in the driver’s seat.