Category: transport

My wife drives our car like a rally driver Not because she can take corners at speed, more so that she can roll it even on the driveway.

My wife was driving me to work earlier, and she took the first turn on every roundabout. She clearly has no rights.

Saw a sign for the A80 roadworks in Glasgow. It said, “Expect delays until September 2011”. That’s a very long time to be on the motorway.

I have a drinking problem, so I went to the A.A. and I can tell ya, it works. I can drive to the pub tonight… Problem solved.

Drove into a pole this morning. Well I wasn’t going to pay him for cleaning my windscreen.

I hate it when the people behind me are driving the exact same car. Especially after I steal a police car.

What is the worst thing about the long flight to America? There are always Americans on the plane.

After a hard day in the office, I left and took my seat on the bus. 5 mins into my journey my boss called and told me to bring it back.

Driving sufficiently fast towards a red light causes the “Blue Shift” effect, making the light appear green and thus allowing you to drive straight through.

My wife was driving us home weaving all over the road and fiddling with the radio. I cried “Focus woman, Focus. For Christ’s sake Focus” Pointless, She still hit it and the Corsa parked behind.

A motorbike is great for quickly getting to the front of queues. The other people in the post office are always terrified though.

I keep losing my focus at work lately. My secretary has to keep reminding me where I parked.

Hit me at 40 and there’s an 80% chance i’ll die Hit me at 30 and there’s an 80% chance i’ll live Hit me at 70 … and it serves me right for trying to cross the motorway

How do you stop a girl from falling off her bike? Remove the Saddle.

My mate rang me and asked, “What’re you doing at the moment?” I said, “Probably failing my driving test.”