Category: transport

I’ve noticed the roads are much busier now the kids have gone back to school, my first thought was there’s obviously just more cars on the road, then in dawn on me the reason my day was being held up was that there’s actually just more women on the road!

What’s the difference between a woman and a golfer? A golfer can drive more than 200 yards.

I was drunk so I read some sobering news and drove home.

Heisenberg was speeding down the motorway one day and he was pulled over by the traffic police. The officer comes over and says “Do you have any idea how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says ” No, but i know where I am”

All these “hit me at 30” jokes have got me thinking.. The little girl in the advert is no older than 10.. I’m not gonna wait 20 years just to run her over.

The Hilton Hotel Group have launched a new promotion; they allow guests to keep their pillow and pillow case that shows the famous Hilton crest. “It’s been a great success,” a spokesperson said, “we figured if you stuff a pillow in your suitcase, you won’t have room for bedsheets, towels, bathrobes, toilet rolls…”

Don’t be fooled by those home breathalyser kits that test whether you’re safe to drive. I got a green light, and I don’t even have a driving license.

My neighbour bought an oxymoron today, A Range Rover Sport.

Was walking down the bus stairs when I noticed a sign saying ‘NO STANDING’ ”What an inconvenience!” I thought, as I began to crawl down them.

I let my wife take me out for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, “Shall we do something we’ve never done in the car before?” I said, “Go on then, bang it into fourth gear.”

I was going through the For Sale section of the paper and found an ad; “3 year old Beamer. 100 o.n.o.” I rang the bloke up immediately and arranged to go look at it. It ran really well so I asked him why he was selling it. He said, “Downs Syndrome kids freak me out.”

Electric railway lines, 21st century natural selection.

A hunter is stalking in the jungle when he finds a beautiful young woman naked on a blanket. He stares at her intently, then says, “Are you game?” “I sure am,” she purrs. So he shoots her.

I went to the time travelers seminar tomorrow. If it’s any good, I’m definitely going back yesterday.

I’ve heard people say that the only thing you don’t pay for now is fresh air. Try pumping your tyres up at a motorway service station.