Category: transport

I was on the tube the other day & the announcer said, “Use all available doors”. Took me seven stops, but I managed it.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Me and my wife got prosecuted for driving while she was giving me oral. Wouldn’t have been so bad but she insisted on driving.

I hate driving a BMW during the school holidays. This morning I was sat at a junction for 10 minutes! It was only then that a car finally appeared so I could pull out on it and continue my journey to work.

Today I saw RMT leader Bob Crow standing at a bus stop, I went up and whacked him over the head. Now HE knows what its like to have your transport plans ruined by a strike

The man in charge of the luggage at Terminal 5 at Heathrow has been sacked and awaiting trial at court with another 28,000 cases to be taken into account.

According to the BBC, the government plan to launch UAV surveillance planes to monitor fly tippers and angry motorists. They’ll never catch me, I always use Cold Blooded Pro.

If my driving licence was a reward card then my God I could get some good stuff.

An Australian car will stay with you ’til the day you die. Because it’s a deathtrap.

A survey by Sheila’s Wheels has revealed that, on average, men drive 276 miles a year while lost, rather than stop and ask for directions. Well I think that says more about their wives’ map reading skills than man’s driving, doesn’t it, Sheila?

When I first started driving lorries, I was looking forward to eating loads of Yorkies. They actually taste horrible and worst of all, their fur really sticks in my mouth.

I heard that drivers should take breaks when driving long distances. They should also take steering wheels, clutches, handbrakes…

My friend went for a run today and got killed by a careless driver. Runways have such a misleading name.

I’m currently on the M25, I’ve been sitting here in my lorry for nearly 20 minutes and I haven’t moved at all. According to the local radio station the traffic behind me is tailing back about 6 miles. I think I’ll give it another 10 minutes, then I might continue with my journey.

Whats the betting that most of these people moaning about being stuck abroad are the same people who usually come back and complain that a week wasn’t long enough.