Category: transport

I was driving through a safari park the other day and the baboons broke both wing-mirrors, scratched the paint and pulled the wipers off. I was furious. The cheeky git of a taxi driver tried to charge me extra for the damage.

“New car can get from 100mph to a stop in just three seconds” Braking News.

I was booking some plane tickets to go on holiday the other day. The woman serving me said “Would you like a window seat or aisle?” I said “I’ll have a seat please.”

I told my wife if she got our old Delorean up to 80mph she’d go back in time. How I laughed as the police shot out her tyres after a 2 hour chase Everyone knows it’s 88mph.

My motto has always been ‘Always look forward never look back’ While it is a great way to live life, its also the reason I reversed over our toddler in the driveway this morning.

I was driving my HGV on a motorway slip road and trying to beat the traffic lights on the roundabout at the end. Anyway I was going too fast as I got to the roundabout, I tried my best to correct it but to no avail. The whole wagon went over on it’s side. Luckily […]

My wife went into labour today so we went straight to the hospital. “Come on darling push, you can do it, keep pushing, I know it’s knackering but you’ve got to push, that’s it you’re nearly there, go on girl one last push, well done sweetheart I’m so proud of you, now I’ll just lock […]

Thank you, driver, for informing us that you have a Baby on Board and that a Dog Is For Life. Now could you please GET OFF THE PHONE.

Liverpool to London Coach Fares: One Way – 5 Return – 3

I’m really good at driving. I’m so good in fact that last year I got 25 points.

RyanAir are a bit like pigeons; rats with wings.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I’m the only one moving.

Companies are supposed to love having their products placed in movies, but my idea of Speed 4: Toyota was rejected instantly

I won’t stop until I’ve fitted these new brakes.

Why don’t women need a driving license? Because, there’s no road between the kitchen and the bedroom.