Category: transport

My mate went to the Motor Show recently. He thought it was quite good, but the cars weren’t as good as he expected. Turns out he spent two hours walking round the carpark.

I’ve just had a close call using my mobile phone whilst driving. I was talking to my mate in the car behind me.

What with all the alcohol involved and the general stereotype about pilots being drunkards, naturally I was a bit anxious to board the plane this morning. Imagine my delight when I found out my pilot was a devout Muslim!

Rapists and aggressive drivers have the same train of thought….. Let me in, or i’m coming in!

A man pressed against me, his bulging thighs pushing against mine. I could hear his saliva, swishing round his mouth. He was so close I could smell last nights beer and kebab on his breath. His arms pressed against me, I felt suffocated but still, I didn’t say a word. I began to accept what […]

Young Achmed has to walk 2-3 hours in the blistering heat just to get fresh water for his family…. A 20 minute drive would do the job in my opinion…

I got arrested yesterday, i was at the airport and i was singing innocently to the customer announcement noise they always play before an announcement. only afterwards i realised why “bom, bom, bom, bom” was inappropriate.

I received a 1000 fine from Virgin. Apparently, following through on a wet fart is not enough of an emergency to stop a train.

I’ve just seen a Hovis wagon lose control and smash straight through the front of a house. The bloke behind the wheel obviously wasn’t using his loaf. He’s pretty lucky not to be brown bread.

Had a real shock today, I was waiting at kings cross and as the train approached this guy jumped right in front of it killing himself, All day I couldnt stop thinking about it, I mean who let a women drive a train.

How come i never see any jokes about male drivers? OK i got one A male driver was driving on the motor way, 1hr 38mins later he got home, had dinner, went to bed and everyone was safe.

Women drivers, if you find that sitting so close to the steering wheel so that it touches your stomach and driving incredibly slowly isn’t annoying enough for the male drivers behind you, why not try stopping at every roundabout and junction before looking to see if anything is coming? That’ll help.

I saw a road sign today that said don’t talk and drive. Do they know how hard it is to text?

I drove into London today and cut up a couple of cyclists at a busy junction. My new combine harvester works a treat.

Im sorry kids ‘Thomas the tank engine’ is not available and will be replaced by ‘Ben the replacement bus service’