Category: transport

I was on the tube when a young Asian gentleman sat down next to me. I said, “Going away for long?” He said, “Er .. yeah .. you could say that I’m not coming back”. I said, “And you managed to fit all your stuff into that one little rucksack?”

I was driving through a village today. Speeding, driving on the wrong side of the road, hit a lampost and even ran over a few locals. Yet as I left the village the sign still thanked me for driving carefully.

I hate how slowly pensioners cross the road. It’s just no challenge to run them over.

I was walking a girl back to her car late at night when she said “Oh I can’t be bothered to drive all the way back to mine, do you mind if I crash at your place?” “No not at all” I grinned. Then ten minutes later, true to her word, she pulled into my […]

What txt has killed more people than any other? sorry cant talk. I’m driving

I’ve always wanted a ‘van’ in my surname. But my wife was furious when I changed it by Deed Poll though. What exactly is wrong with Sharon Transit-Smith?

My mate has emigrated to Egypt to set up a vehicle recovery service. He’s named it “camel tow”

At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn’t know gave me anything. Even the people I know don’t give me anything.

I felt so sorry for homeless public transport vehicles that I have set up a Bus Shelter for them.

I tried to get to work by train this morning, they said “Today there is a Bus replacement service” So I gave them a tin of pineapple chunks. They said “What’s that?” I said “That’s my money replacement service.”

I have been considering buying a retro second-hand motor. Specifically, I’ve been looking at the 1981 DeLorean DMC-12. That car takes me back…

Two commuters meet on the tube: “Isn’t this great?” says one. “You don’t have to sit at the wheel, no traffic jams, nothing to get on your nerves, no road rage, noise or stress, you’re conserving the environment and you still get to work on time.” “Exactly,” says the other. “By the way – when […]

Did you know, that if all the cars in England were lined end to end….it would probably be Bank Holiday Monday.

Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to Ryanair, the following message includes essential information needed for your survival in case of an accident. If you would like to hear this message please insert 5

Hit me at 30 and there is an 80% chance I’ll live. Hit me at 40 and there is an 80% chance I’ll die. Hit me at 80 and I’ll break my hip and fall down the stairs.