Category: transport

Driving on the motorway I just saw a sign saying “snow slow down” and I thought to myself why would the snow pay attention to a sign.

Tiger Woods drove into a tree. No doubt waking his cousins from their slumber in the process.

I was stuck behind a learner driver car today. He was all over the road, driving very slow and stalling every few hundred yards… I became worried when he pulled over to collect his student.

Just drove past one of those billboards asking if I’d rather see a speed camera or a bunch of flowers by the roadside. Obvious really: flowers don’t take my license and look much prettier too!

As I came off the M6 into Keele Services this morning I noticed a sign that said “End of Motorway Regulations”. So I took my seatbelt off and drove round the car park at 97 miles an hour texting my mates.

I shouted at our female postie this morning. “Get out of that driving seat! It’s a Mail Van.”

My daughter got picked up for her first driving lesson today by a female driving instructor. Well, if that makes sense then I’m going to give Stephen Hawking a ring and see how much he charges for tap-dancing lessons.

BBC News: All flights at Birmingham Airport are suspended and the runway closed after a small aircraft is believed to have crashed. Surely they know if the aircraft crashed or not????????

Did you know that for only 60 you can drive down the bus lane…

Apparently, hitting somebody at 40 gives them a 10% chance of survival.. How do they expect me to determine the age of a Paki when I’m flying around at 100mph?

My wife just phoned me and said, “The car won’t move”. I said, “What’s wrong with it?” She said, “I’m not sure, it could be the Lamp Post on the bonnet weighing it down”.

Police can now tell that your on drugs while driving by looking at your eyes. I don’t mind though, they can’t see through the joint smoke in my car.

Dutch scientists claimed this week that one cup of coffee could prevent drivers from crashing. Just Buy a large latte from Starbucks and you won’t be able to afford any petrol.

BBC News: Audley Harrison “i’ll be there with David tonight” I’m sure David already has a driver, Audley

Following her ordeal Magdeline Makola will be looking for bargains in the new year sales. She’s never going to a car boot again though.