Category: transport

I think I’d better book my car in for a service. The “Check Engine” light has stopped working.

A train drivers job is very straight forward.

The other day, a little paki boy ran out in front of my car and I hit him. Then I remembered that because I was only doing 30, there was an 80% chance that he would live. So I reversed over him a couple of times, to bring the odds down a bit.

I signed up for driving lessons a month ago and my instructor is a woman. I still can’t drive but I can use my rear view mirror to do my make-up like a pro.

Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.

I love living in a small village. Every night I go to the pub and buy everybody 3 pints. Its great being the only taxi driver.

There was a time when I thought my wife was going to drive me insane. Then I remembered women can’t drive.

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

There I was, minding my own business, when boom. Woman driver.

BBC News: ‘Woman Travels To Work And Ends Up Back At Same Station 8 Hours Later’. So everyone else is just as shocked as me to see that her train wasn’t cancelled.

The public transport system in the country makes me so mad I could throw myself under a bus. But they never come so I cant.

The barman says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.” A time traveller walks into a bar.

People who drink on buses will be barred from using them again. All very good in theory but eventually they’ll run out of drivers.

I was driving through a town the other day and saw a sign that said: “Slow Down. Please Consider Our Kids.” So I did. But the ones I saw were all fat and ugly, so I kept going.

I got pulled over the day because I’d doctored my “Baby On Board” sign. Apparently “Maddie In Boot” is not acceptable.